Leaning In

Life is a lot like downhill skiing…

You’ve heard the expressions “Nervous Nelly'“? Well, historically, on a ski hill, I’ve been a nervous Nancy. While I love being in the great outdoors, and am focused on having fun when I’m navigating a Green trail, the moment you put obstacles in my path (moguls on an intermediate run, or an icy decline on an advanced one), my fear shows up. GUS the Gator (the personification of my reptilian brain) climbs on for the ride and starts yelling…”This is not safe! You’re gonna get hurt!!”  And perhaps because of his imaginary weight on my back, I start leaning backwards. If you’re a skier, you know that’s the wrong course of action.

Any instructor will start with the basics: in order to be in control of the hill, you must be leaning forward, really feeling your shins press into the front of your ski boots. This way, you stay balanced and connected to the snow. The moment you lean back, guess what happens? You become dangerously prone to losing the control for which you’re so desperate.

Is my metaphor clear? If I look back and envision myself as a skier navigating my life as a hill, I can see the clear preference I’ve felt for the easy “runs” and my distinct aversion to risk. I can also identify the many ways in which leaning back has made my journey more difficult and less fun, while yeilding minimal deep connection to others. So the life lesson; lean in!

Our family ski trip this March Break generated yet another AHA moment. While making my way down a gentle slope one day, I happily considered how I’ve traversed the chasm from Showing Off to Showing UP in so many areas of my life, including in this sport. I used to care a LOT about performance. Was my form good? Would others see me as a good skier? Did I look stylish and confident…or, God forbid…did I look like I felt: Nervous Nerdy Nancy?

But in skiing, as in life, proceeding according to the expectations and judgements of others is…a bloody waste of time and energy!

I am Showing UP on the slope - going at my own pace, enjoying the hill rather than fearing it, and stopping whenever I feel like it. GUS is still there, relaxing for now in my backpack, and I know that if I inadvertently find myself in legitimate danger on a Double Black Diamond run, I will placate my Gator AND unabashedly Show UP. Oblivious to what anyone else thinks, I’ll slowly but surely pull off to the side and kick off my skis. Without feeling any embarrassment, I’ll put them on my shoulder and walk down the side of the trail. Or, if need be, I’ll slide down on my bum. Now, that’s SHOWUPPY. :)

This is a brand new blog, and in each post, I’m going to continue the theme from the end of my book, and offer a Doorway to Presence. Here’s this week’s offering: Catch yourself intermittently each day, and ask “Am I leaning into life right now, or am I leaning back?” And “am I Showing Off or Showing UP?”

Have fun. Stay safe. Be love.

Nancy